Masturbation, it seems, alleviates some of the need for closeness and physical intimacy, mitigating the discomfort of an empty heart and an empty bed. It is the nature of man that horny and lonely be forever entwined, one making you more adept at the other but due to that nature, we can, with but one hand, topple Maslow’s tower and live but for a moment, free of the trappings of our sorry condition.

Let’s rub one out and shed the shackles of the heart; live as men and women without impossible desire.